We’ve all been there—lying awake at night, replaying old mistakes like a highlight reel we never asked for. The missed opportunity, the thing we said (or didn’t say), the race we didn’t train for the way we should have. Regret has a way of getting under our skin and sticking. And if we’re not careful, it can eat us up inside, like a parasite.

My daughter's favorite movie is The Lion King. She loves singing "Circle of Life." But of course you all remember Rafiki, the wise mandrill/monkey? He smacks Simba on the head with his staff. Hilarious. When Simba complains, Rafiki tells him, “Yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” That moment is powerful because it’s simple: the past isn’t something you can erase. But it is something you can use.

Why Regret Feels So Heavy

Regret is universal. A large study by Roese & Summerville (2005) found that the top regrets people reported were around education, career, and romance—basically, the “big life” categories. What a shocker. But even the smaller ones, like skipping a workout or falling off a training plan, carry weight when they pile up.

From a neuroscience perspective, regret lights up the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the same area that handles decision-making and learning (Coricelli et al., 2005). That means regret isn’t just an emotion—it’s literally our brain processing “what could have been” and trying to learn from it. The problem is when we get stuck in the loop of replaying the past without taking any action. That’s when regret turns toxic.

The Danger of Holding On

Holding on to regret doesn’t just mess with your mood. It can affect your health. Studies show that repetitive negative thinking is linked to higher levels of stress hormones, poor sleep, and even increased risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety (Ottaviani et al., 2016). It sinks into every crevice in your being, even your soul. Think about it this way: if you’re constantly carrying regret around, it’s like doing a farmer’s carry with a sandbag that never gets lighter. Eventually, your grip fails.

So How Do We Let Go?

Letting go doesn’t mean pretending the past didn’t happen. It means changing your relationship with it. Here are a few strategies backed by research (and experience) that can help:

1. Reframe the Narrative

Instead of replaying the mistake, ask: What did I learn? Cognitive reappraisal—basically changing the way you interpret an event—has been shown to reduce the intensity of negative emotions and improve resilience (Gross, 2002).

Example: You skipped a race because of an injury. Instead of “I failed,” try: “That injury taught me how to respect recovery, modify my training and come back smarter.”

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Research by Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion (treating yourself with the same kindness you’d give a friend) reduces self-criticism and improves motivation long-term. Beating yourself up doesn’t actually make you better—it just makes you bitter.

3. Write It Down

Expressive writing—journaling about your regrets, your feelings, and what you learned—has been shown to improve emotional processing and decrease rumination (Pennebaker & Chung, 2011). Sometimes you need to get the loop out of your head and onto paper. When you write it down, it becomes real and tangible, and that makes it more powerful then when it's stuck in your head.

4. Turn Regret into Action

Regret has value when it pushes you toward growth. Instead of avoiding the memory, ask: What’s one thing I can do differently moving forward? If your regret is skipping strength training, commit to two sessions a week. If it’s not being present with your family, schedule protected time.

Using the Past to Build the Future

The beauty of regret is that it reminds us we care. We don’t regret the things that don’t matter—we regret the ones that do. That means regret is like a compass: it points us back to our values.

In training, in racing, in life, you’ll make mistakes. You’ll look back and wish you’d done things differently. But the only thing worse than a regret is not learning from it.

Rafiki was right. The past can hurt. But if you let it, it can also shape you into someone stronger, wiser, and more capable. You can either run from it—or you can let it fuel your next move. Don't let regret make you skip your next race. Click here to schedule a free call to get you back on track.